


A Very Gotham Christmas

by EldritchSandwich



Series: DC United [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Fluffy Sandwich, Gift Giving, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich
Summary: With a little help from her friends, Ivy intends to make this Harley's best Christmas ever.
Relationships: Pamela Isley & Selina Kyle & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Victor Fries & Pamela Isley
Series: DC United [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964518
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	A Very Gotham Christmas

Victor Fries sat back in a recliner made of ice, drinking a chilled martini and kicking up his feet. He was quite proud of the recliner; it had taken a while to get the individual moving parts made of ice to fit together, but the end result was that it actually reclined. It wasn't particularly comfortable, what with being made out of ice, but a man who spent most of his life trapped in a bulky suit of armor so he didn't boil alive took what he could get.

Besides, you had to learn to appreciate the little things.

His current lair was an abandoned meat-packing plant: nice square footage, cutters and conveyor belts with lots of death trap potential, and of course plenty of refrigeration equipment. All in all, it was a perfect place to settle down for the winter and do a little illegal cryogenics research.

Which, naturally, meant something had to interrupt.

"Good evening, Victor. I love what you've done with the place. Very...Modernist."

As a pair of high heels clicked across the icy floor, Victor just let out a sigh. "Pamela. Did you at least leave my men alive?"

"The two at the door? Of course. Though I can't promise they won't end up with some frostbite, they were stripping each other rather aggressively when I left them."

Victor set down his martini. Honestly, that was probably for the best; the sexual tension between Hank and Murray had been getting ridiculous, and if a little of Poison Ivy's pheromones was what it took for them to finally get it over with, so be it. "Very thoughtful of you. Now can I assist you with something?"

"Do you remember that harbor job we pulled together? Specifically the part where you fell off the pier and froze yourself in a giant ball of ice and would have been arrested if my vines hadn't dragged you out?"

Victor scowled. "You're collecting on your favor."

Pamela smiled, the green tinge to her skin making her lips look even redder. "I am. I'd like your help with a little project. Tomorrow night."

Victor scowled harder. "I don't work on Christmas."

"I didn't say a job. I said a project. A present, really." She waved her hand. "Well, I mean I suppose technically it's either vandalism or ecoterrorism, but those are hardly real crimes."

Victor sighed. "Just tell me what you want."

"Have you heard the weather report for tomorrow night?"

"Low of thirty eight, dense fog, sixty percent chance of rain." He frowned petulantly. "No snow."

Pamela smiled what, if he didn't know any better, he would have called sweetly. Since he did know better, he was more inclined to call it conniving. "Right. About that..."

* * *

Harley Quinn sat on the window sill of the abandoned dentist's office, gazing wistfully through the glass at the dark city beyond. She let out a forlorn sigh. Selina, sitting on the couch reading, didn't take the bait. Harley glanced down at her, turned back to the window, and sighed harder.

Selina set down her book, some tedious biography she'd stolen from Bruce, and rolled her eyes. "What is it, Harley?"

"Nothing..."

Selina rolled her eyes harder. "Okay then." She made a half-hearted reach for her book.

"I just thought Ivy'd be back by now."

Selina shook her head. She'd owed Ivy a favor after that whole 'forgetting to water her plants while she was in the Amazon' thing, and had thus agreed to babysit Harley while Ivy worked on...whatever this 'surprise Christmas present' was. But that had been two hours ago, and if there was one thing the infamous Catwoman wasn't good at, it was sitting still.

"I'm sure she'll be back soon," Selina said absently. "Probably just doing some last-minute Christmas shopping."

Harley snorted. "Yeah, fat chance. Ivy hates Christmas. She calls it 'a celebration of commercialism, patriarchy, and the mass murder of trees.' I guess I was just hopin' this year, after Mistah J..."

As Harley trailed off, Selina glanced up at her, really taking in the details: the white makeup smeared around her left eye, not quite the same shade of white as her skin; the way she gingerly cradled her arm against her side. She hadn't really noticed them when she first arrived; maybe it was horrible of her, but she'd just sort of gotten used to seeing Harley hiding bruises. Selina licked her lips.

"What happened with Joker?" she asked, trying to sound casual. Harley winced anyway.

"It...it was my fault." She shook her head. "Mistah J...he usually loves Christmas!" She chuckled awkwardly. "I mean, probably for all the same reasons Ivy hates it, ya know? So I...I got a tree, and I decorated the lair, and I got everything lookin' real nice..." Her fond smile faded. "But I guess...I guess he was still in a bad mood after Batsy messed up his whole laughing gas thing with the carolers, so he wasn't in the mood..." She flinched. "It was my fault, I shoulda known that, ya know?"

Selina frowned and picked herself up off the couch, resettling across from Harley on the window sill, legs intertwined. "You know, I don't think I've ever met a Jewish person who gets so excited about Christmas." She tilted her head thoughtfully. "Well, I guess maybe Bruce Wayne, but he's got kids, so..."

Harley smiled slightly. "Growin' up was...my family wasn't really the best, ya know?"

Selina chuckled. "Honey, if any of us came from stable homes we wouldn't be robbing people in Halloween costumes."

Harley shrugged. "Yeah, fair enough. I guess I just...you know, Christmas is kinda when you show off how much you love your kids, and so I saw all these other kids with their presents and their trees and their happy families and I just...kinda started to mix up the two, you know?" Selina just nodded, reaching out to squeeze Harley's hand as Harley leaned back and turned to the window. When she did, however, she immediately sat back up. "Oh hey! It's snowin'!" Harley turned to Selina with an excited smile. "I thought it wasn't supposed to snow tonight?"

Selina stretched out, using her contact with Harley's hand to pull her up with her. That was her cue.

"You know what, let's got for a walk."

Harley blinked, glancing from Selina back to the steadily-falling flakes. "Oh, I mean...Ivy..."

"Just a short one, it'll help you get your mind off everything." Harley looked tempted, but still wasn't moving. Selina sighed to herself and pulled the ace from her sleeve. "Come on, we'll get some hot chocolate or something."

Harley beamed and turned to grab her coat and shoes, and Selina rolled her eyes. The things she did for these two.

* * *

"Ugh, I love the snow, don't you?" Harley asked as they padded side by side down the dark, quiet street, the only sound the crunch of their boots on what was already over an inch of fresh powder. Selina forced a smile.

"Sure. Cold, wet, and bright white. What's not for someone who wears a skintight, un-insulated black catsuit to love?"

Harley giggled. "This was a good idea! Thanks, Selina. You're a real pal."

Selina forced herself not to smile too much. Couldn't have anyone thinking she was going soft. "Hey, we're almost to Gotham Square, why don't we break into that nice chocolate shop and get that cocoa I promised you?"

Harley grinned as they turned the corner onto the thoroughfare that approached the square. "Yeah, that sounds...huh." Harley squinted as she caught sight of the edge of the square between buildings. "Did they get a bunch of extra Christmas trees this year or something?"

Selina grinned as she fell back, letting Harley walk forward without her. "Yeah. Or something."

Harley stepped into the square, her jaw dropping as she took in the full scope of her surroundings. What had earlier in the day been a flat, manicured square of park was now...well, a forest. Pine trees towered around her, their boughs heavy with snow. Even more incredible were the little crystals of ice that dotted their branches, glittering blue as they amplified the anemic glow of the streetlights that had been all but swallowed by the trees. Harley looked around in awe, so captivated that she was completely oblivious to the soft crunch of footsteps behind her.

"So what do you think?"

Harley spun on her heel, flailing a little to keep from slipping in the snow, to find Ivy standing in the clearing behind her. Harley blinked.

"Red?" She glanced around at the trees. "Is this...was this you?"

Ivy shifted awkwardly as Harley gaped at her. "I just...thought you might...need some cheering up, so..."

Harley blinked. "But...you hate Christmas?"

Ivy shrugged, eyes fixed stubbornly on the snow. "But...you don't." She glanced up, just long enough to see Harley beaming at her, and shrugged again. "Besides, what better way to subvert their sectarian corporate holiday than by countering their yearly act of mass murder with a dozen acres of native white pi—"

Ivy's words descended into a yelp as Harley practically bowled her over, arms clenched tight around her waist. Ivy hugged her back, which Harley took as an invitation to bury her face in the neck of Ivy's sweater. "Thank you, Red."

Ivy squeezed her, then pulled back and cleared her throat while Harley tried to be discreet about wiping the tears from her face. When she failed, Ivy gently reached up to do it for her, her other hand sliding down to take Harley's. "Well. Why don't I show you around?"

* * *

As the two women vanished into the forest, Victor Fries watched from the roof of the hotel where his latest freeze ray sat idling; if he looked closely enough, he could still make out the glowing patches in the cloud where the beam's residual energy promised to keep the snow falling until at least sunrise. He couldn't help smiling.

"Cocoa?"

The smile faded as he turned to face the woman in black who was suddenly perched on the edge of the roof behind him, a paper cup in her hand and a familiar smirk on her face. He met it with a half-hearted scowl. "Very funny."

Selina just smirked harder. "Heart of ice, my ass. You're a nice guy, Freeze."

"Thank you. I think."

Selina took a sip from her hot chocolate as she watched the red dots that were Harley and Ivy weave in and out of the trees. "So...you heard about this new diamond display at the Modelo?"

Victor scowled. "I don't work on Christmas."

Selina shrugged casually. "Yeah, but it's not Christmas for another...forty six minutes. Unless you don't think your creaky old robot suit can get in and out that fast..."

Victor took another glance up at the snowy sky, then sighed. "What kind of diamonds?"

Selina just grinned.

* * *

"Good morning, Gotham! This is Vicki Vale, wishing you all a very merry Christmas on behalf of everyone here at WGTM. Our top story this morning: Gothamites woke this Christmas to not only a foot of unexpected snow, but the transformation of Gotham Square Park into what can only be described as a winter wonderland.

"Overnight, the entire square appears to have been filled with living, natural Christmas trees. The mayor's office has denied any involvement in the transformation, and a press release from the Gotham City Police Department suggests that infamous Gotham supercriminal Poison Ivy may be responsible for the trees' sudden appearance, though no motive is apparent at the time. Nonetheless, the GCPD is advising citizens to exercise caution until the origin and safety of the trees can be determined.

"In other news, the Modelo Hall Gallery suffered a break-in late last night. While the list of items stolen during the burglary, if any, has not yet been released to the public, the gallery recently became home to a collection of jewelry made from rare blue diamonds, which sources within the police department speculate—"

The TV clicked off, and Harley looked over her shoulder to find Ivy standing in the doorway to the bedroom, remote in one hand and the other holding the sheet wrapped coquettishly around her naked body. Harley grinned. "You made the news, Red. People love it, they're takin' their kids in and everything."

Ivy smiled tartly. "Yes, well, I didn't do it for them."

Harley grinned and leaned over the back of the couch as Ivy approached, bending down to lay a slow, upside-down kiss on her lips. When they finally parted, Harley was just grinning wider.

"Merry Christmas, Red."

"Merry Christmas, Harley." Ivy tossed the remote to the couch, her other hand reaching up to tug gently on Harley's hair, letting the sheet fall away from her lean green body in the process. "Now, why don't you come back to bed so I can finish giving you your other present?"

Harley beamed, following excitedly as Ivy's bare, swaying backside beckoned her to the bedroom. "God bless us everyone!"


End file.
